Peabody's Tomb

If you grew up in Westchester as a teenager, you could hardly escape the adventure call of a midnite visit to Peabody's tomb. Peabodys tomb was the memorial mausoleum of some rich bastard that owned an estate in what is now Oakbrook, IL. Upon his death , the good Mr Peabody bequeathed his estate to the Franciscan Order of the Sacred Heart. The tomb was built on the site where FS Peabody actually croaked. Peabody had a heart attack while on a fox hunt in 1922, fell off his horse, and the rest is fox legend. I swear I am not making this up - you know "Pip, Pip,- Cheerio,.... Arrrrrgh...." - If you look at it from the foxes perspective it was pretty cool, - 'this fat fuck that chases us around on a horse, starts gasping and wheezing and falls to his death while we watched laughing from the bushes'.

Anyway, the monks felt compelled to honor this guy by building a totally morbid mausoleum on the estate - on the spot where he died - so that us teenagers would have something exciting to do when we finally got our drivers license. We would sneak out there late on a Friday night and stumble through a wooded area to the mausoleum. The excitement lay in the prospect of getting caught by the monks, who were reported to force trespassers to perform humiliating rituals... like kneeling in the mausoleum and praying to the dead guy till dawn. Nobody I knew actually ever got caught, but it was served up as great urban legend with some variations over time. This is one of those stories we can tell our teenage kid; -'When I was your age, we didn't have meth, - we had to get excited by sneaking up on a tomb...'

A Salute to Westchester's Finest

I just want to extend my appreciation to the Westchester Police force, with a heartfelt thanks for the extreme incompetence with which they performed their job. I mean, - can you imagine how badly things would have turned out if we had ever actually gotten caught comitting our ridiculously petty crimes? It might have kept us from our illustrious political careers, or we might have to explain it to our kids.

We owe a debt of gratitude to our city fathers for seeking out the least qualified police force ever assembled on planet earth.

Thanks Westchester!

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